The Evolution of My Healing. The Transition
Shifting into another spiritual plane is never an easy task.
In fact, every single time I’ve done it my body, at one point or another, completely shackled underneath the weight of it all. Usually, with true Capricorn stealth, I usually fall apart towards the end of the shift. It’s as if my mind knows, it’s safer to fall apart only towards the finish line. But, when it’s long and arduous, like what’s happening to me right now, I lose myself many, many times. I am shackled constantly by the weight of the world. 2019 really is the year of realizing things!
This phenomenon is what I mentioned in last month’s periodical: falling off the spiritual horse. Falling out of the important routine of taking care of yourself-horse. Because I believe, when you’re deeply spiritual, self-care comes naturally and profoundly. But since I’ve been struggling, I’ve noticed how much work all of this is. How self-care is hard… but sometimes surviving the DAY is harder. How endless this cycle is. You fall off, you get back on, you fall off again… maybe months later… but it’s still as debilitating as all the times before. I think maybe I’ve hit a roadblock but then I just keep going.
I’m seeing the patterns and unlearning bad habits.
I’m currently going through my Saturn Returns and it feels relentless, but in the last month, there’s been somewhat of a silver lining. Each month as I go through these moments, dredging up everything—fear of failure, fear of being disliked, regrets, embarrassments, the sadness, the isolation, the rage, the jealousy—I’ve begun to see the triggers, I’ve begun to understand the fluency to myself more readily. I’m seeing the patterns, the lies I tell myself about the world, the narratives, the pitfalls of my imagination. And as these become more and more exposed to myself I start to unlearn bad habits, I start to see through myself—unabashedly. I no longer fear the ugly, the weak, the broken. I hope to embrace and accept.
This has weirdly—or maybe not so weirdly—made me a better practitioner of my health.
Imbalanced spleen qi has affected so much of myself and my identity.
Next month I’ll go into the nuances of spleen qi deficiency—but over these last few weeks that I’ve been in Australia, I’ve understood how foundational having an imbalanced spleen qi has affected so much of myself and my identity. It’s why I’ve always carried extra weight, and why I’m curvier than most people in my immediate family. It’s why I’ve suffered from dysmorphia, why I’ve had a hard time seeing my body as it is. It’s why I’m always phlegmy in the morning. My ex used to me call sniffles the cat. Gross, but true!
Understanding that spleen qi deficiency has created a distorted relationship to my body, like a phantom longing that’s attached itself to my gut, has been a revolutionary next step. I’m beginning to consider my lifestyle in relation to how I feel about myself. Isn’t it wild that we learn specific things on how to survive as a child, these ideas of the world are formed… i.e. how you think of people, and how you respond to trauma… and you never consider thinking, hm, maybe this isn’t working for me? Even though sometimes they begin to transform into really bad habits. Causing you agony. Why are we stubborn to change?
While I was in Australia I would go see my kinesiologist, Rick and he would do the points for the four gates: Large Intestine (LI4) which is an immune booster, as well as pain reliever and sits on the wedge of both your hands; and Liver 3 (LV3) which is to keep things moving, and lies in the triangle between your big toe and the smaller toe. He said he would do those particularly to initiate movement in the things we were processing during my body-work therapy with him.
It’s funny when your focus begins to widen, even more about yourself. When you start to see the patterns of the universe and the patterns in your own behavior - that’s creating cycle upon cycle that keeps on reappearing before you until you decide to pass through it. Acupuncture allows that shift to rise in momentum, it allows it to unleash to the surface so you can let it pass. It’s a consistent effort, one that is endless. I’m beginning to be ok with this reality.
About The Author
This guest post was authored by Fariha Róisín, a talented writer based here in Brooklyn. We are indebted to Fariha for sharing this experience. We are humbled to be in service to such a brave, strong & beautiful human and it is with great gratitude we are able to share Fariha’s writings with our community.
Fariha Róisín has written for Al Jazeera, The Guardian, Vice, Fusion, Village Voice and many others and additionally has previously written a self-care column on The Hairpin. Fariha will also soon have two books published and currently has an astrology column for them. We encourage you to discover more:
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A Note From Garden Acupuncture: