The Evolution of My Healing. The Deep Wounds of Stress.
Stress is actually terrible.
I know that it must not feel very soothing reading that (or maybe it does?) but I’ve been struggling with so many stressful feelings recently that it would be a disservice to myself to not be honest about where I stand emotionally and mentally.
In these last few months, I’ve been stressed about many things: money, unpacking feelings of betrayal, the hardships of my Saturn Returns… as well as the constant nagging sensation of acute loss and unlovability. There’s something dark inside of me that doesn’t quite know if it’s unlovable, or if I ever will be lovable, so that undermines entire sets of feelings. I’m always second guessing myself, and never on my own team. I am my own harshest critic, and an unfair partner-in-crime. I don’t give myself a morsel of the respect I give other people. It’s infuriating, but so hard to untrain, or deprogram yourself from these cyclical feelings of bad self opinions. This causes me deep-wounds of stress!
On top of that, whether its work, family and personal friends I constantly feel nervous. As if another atom bomb will move through me, the shoe will drop—but this time I won’t be able to survive the fall. I don’t know what I’m scared of, but maybe it is tied a fear of abandonment. When I think of all the people that have shown up for me in the last couple of years, the number is surprisingly (even to me) low. So, I’m nervous that people just like me for aesthetic reasons, as opposed to soulful, meaningful ones. That also stresses me out!
Through all of this, simultaneously I’ve gone through a different journey altogether. By awakening and acknowledging that I suffer from dissociation, I’ve had ghosts begin to reveal themselves in my memory, pulling me up through my pain and forcing me to look at my trauma. I keep thinking of it as being in a locked room and every time you see an escape, another door closes down on you. It’s terrifying, and I admit a little dramatic, but this is the way it feels. It doesn’t feel good. This also causes me stress!
I’m also generally a stressful person, and that’s something I’m trying to accept more. The irony is that I’m also genuinely chill—about 80% of the time I’m almost always chill! The other 20? Forget about it! I’m a mess.
I found out that the main aspect of spleen qi deficiency is stress—to have a never-ending mind. This continuous cycle of stress causes irrevocable damage to the body by wearing it down. I know all this, and yet I remain stressed. That causes me more stress!
The last few sessions of acupuncture Lisa and I have been working on points that de-accelerate my mind and calm me. Ying Tang—the point between your eyes (i.e. your third eye) has been a useful point. Also, He Gu (Large Intestine 4) is the fleshy bit between your hands, and lastly Tai Chong (Liver 3) which is the place between the big toe and the second toe—are both points that are used to focus on anxiety. Lisa sometimes even uses them to activate self-care. All three of these points combined have been greatly relieving to me in this time of pressure, and I’ve noticed a difference in how it pulls me out of my funk, even if it’s just for thirty mins on a table. It re-orients and shifts the toxic energy of stress, bringing it to the surface like curdled milk, easing it out of your psychostream.
But of course, acupuncture is best coupled with focus, and care. It’s not a one-size-fits-all answer. If you are stressed, it’s important to acknowledge and take steps towards figuring out what is best for you, and most importantly what works for you. I think almost everyone benefits from acupuncture, but it’s also a lifestyle, and it takes commitment. Like anything in life, it requires you to be diligent.
So, with something as serious as stress, I’m taking this month to think of triggers. Is social media triggering for me? Yes! Then why don’t I step away from it and unlearn the reflex to look at it constantly? Am I eating correctly for my gut/dosha/ body type? If not, how could I revitalize that a little? There are steps you can take to ease the volatility of anxiety on your body. Speaking for myself, it’s useful for me to remember: Emotional stress is largely a perception. A perception that we create and choose how to participate in.
About The Author
This guest post was authored by Fariha Róisín, a talented writer based here in Brooklyn. We are indebted to Fariha for sharing this experience. We are humbled to be in service to such a brave, strong & beautiful human and it is with great gratitude we are able to share Fariha’s writings with our community.
Fariha Róisín has written for Al Jazeera, The Guardian, Vice, Fusion, Village Voice and many others and additionally has previously written a self-care column on The Hairpin. Fariha will also soon have two books published and currently has an astrology column for them. We encourage you to discover more:
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